Le vice franglais

In the 25 intervening years, Jack Lang has probably forgotten the letter from an indignant French woman that dropped on his or, more likely, an underling's desk.

He was François Mitterrand's culture minister. She wanted to know how, with the French language under such pressure from Anglo-American influences, state-owned TV could allow a newscaster to report smooth traffic flow one big holiday weekend while seated in front of the slogan ça roule cool.

These days, with the threat to la francophonie greater still, the phrase would be sure to bring a nomination for le Prix de la Carpette anglaise, the "English Doormat" awarded each year since 1999 to the person or organisation deemed to have delivered the year's most grievous insult to French.

The admirably Canute-like souls who run the contest have just announced the short list for this year's Carpette.

Up for the 2006 prix d'idignité civique are:

* France's national research agency, ANR, for launching an appeal for ideas to which responses must be in English

* Jean-Marc Ayrault, the mayor of Nantes and president of socialist deputés in the French parliament, for launching a public transport system called Busway and an on-line service Mail in Nantes

* Philippe Baudillon, France 2's director general, for allowing programmes called Top of the Pops and Dancing Show to be screened

* Christian Brodhag, inter-ministerial delegate for development, for publishing a report on coal in English

* Henri de Castries, head of the Axa group, for declaring French to be a disadvantage in a competitive world.

* France's Constitutional Council for accepting as constitutionally sound the notion that text in English or German should be admissible under French law

M Baudillon or the Constitutional Council would seem good bets, though it is not difficult to imagine the sheer anguish any of these offences against the purity of French language will have caused.

There is a special international prize, too. The ex-minister and co-founder of Médecins sans frontières Bernard Kouchner is in the running for saying in his book Two or Three Things I know About Us - (oops, I meant Deux ou Trois Choses Je Sais de Nous) - that English is the future of la francophonie.

So are "the European institutions in their entirety" for daring to choose "Together Since 1957" as the slogan to mark the golden anniversary of the Treaty of Rome.

Ernest-Antoine Seillière, president of the European Business Confederation (UNICE), is my favourite, but perhaps only because his crime - beginning a Brussels speech, as he fully intended to go on, in English - prompted a stage-managed and slightly absurd walk-out by President Chirac.

May the best homme or cultural hommelette win.

But it's probably safe to make a couple of assumptions.

Le vainqueur won't turn up to collect his prize. And there is no risk of the owners of Café Rouge or Prêt à Manger, or anyone who has ever wished a friend bon appétit or boasted about his pied-à-terre, being shortlisted in tit-for-tat English awards.

One last thing. My wife's horror at ça roule cool did provoke a reply from Mr Lang's ministry. They took a couple of months to get round to writing and did little more than rattle off platitudes about the importance M Lang naturally attached to supporting his native tongue.